Hey everyone! This weeks topic is on parenting. It is impossible for me to write this blog and or think about parenting without first thinking and writing about my parents. As we have discussed parenting this week I thought of my parents and how they did it. They had 6 children, 5 of them are boys. My mom loves being a parent and if she could have it her way she'd have 6 more children!
As I have looked back on my parents and continue to observe them, I have come to realize that first they arent perfect, they actually know what they are talking about, and most importantly they tried and continue to do there very best to bless the lives of there children. I am so proud of my parents because they have taught me that when life gets hard you continue on, holding close to your heart what you know, your values, and your love for your family. The most important lesson I would say that they have taught me that I wish I can someday take and apply in my own parenting is the principle of sacrifice. To first define what parenting is and its role, it may be that we as parents are to provide, and assist our children in becoming prepared to live and thrive in the world in which they live. With this definition of parenting, and looking at my parents they have done this. At the core of it all, I can find that sacrifice as a key ingredient in this process. Although, we all as there children took different paths and are on different paths, and have had our struggles, it does not mean that our parents failed us. Again, I am so proud of my parents, and I thank them for sacrificing so much for me and my siblings so that we can thrive in the world in which we live.
AS for me know, i don't have children...yet, but plan to. Although the topic of this week is parenting and im not a parent yet it doesn't mean that i shouldn't at least prepare myself the best i can for when that day comes. The preparation for parenting may be hard, and overwhelming because you really don't know how its going to be until it happens. The one thing that I won't to talk about that has helped me is that i am first a husband to my wife before a father to my children. With this in mind, i'm not suggesting that we neglect our responsibilities as a parent's but to rather show to your children how much you love there mother. It is true to say that our families foundation and success is a satisfying marriage between the parents. so the way that I can best prepare for parenting is to love, cherish, serve, respect, and work together with my wife.
Parenting is an exciting topic for my wife and I and when that day comes it will forever be a calling for both of us to strive to improve on and get better at.
Saturday, March 31, 2018
Saturday, March 24, 2018
Family Work
Alright guys, this week I'm going to be honest with you. This blog might be a more challenging one for me to cover. The topic is family work. Now, like any topic on marriage and family there are many avenues that we can travel down and look at. I'l do my best to focus on the history of work and its impact it has made on family life and living through history and in our present day.
Now when did work begin? As a members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we believe that work began from the very beginning, starting with Adam and Eve. God gave them commandment to take care and look after the Garden. God also stated, as they were cat out, that by the sweat of there brow he shall eat his bread and to till the earth. We believe that work began from the start. I want us to imagine for a moment what work for the family of Adam and Eve looked like. Adam surely wasn't waking up at 6:00am to grab his cup of coffee and to eat his breakfast fast enough to beat the morning traffic to head to his 8-5 office job in the city, while his wife took care of the children and prepared them for school that day. No work wasn't like this at all. In fact i'd even argue that work like this didn't even begin to look like this until a couple thousands of years later during the industrial revolution. So what did work look like back then, and how has the industrial revolution changed our view of work within the family system? Well, one can imagine that for Adam and Eve, and many generations following, they were farmers. Dad didn't go off to work for the family while mom stayed home with the children. Rather, Dad and Mom, and children all worked together as a family. The probably learned how to plant and harvest fruits and vegetables. They also had live stock and animals to help with there work and to even butcher and eat as well. Hunting trips were very common haha They didn't go to the local food market to buy milk, they provided that for themselves, TOGETHER as a family. As a family they did everything. Children helped with what they could. Ultimately, for thousands of years the people of this world, worked together in family units cooperatively. What did this do for family's? Perhaps it brought family's closer. Maybe it allowed for stronger parental supervision and correct teaching at home. Wholesome recreational acclivities, teachings of value, love, trust, patience, and other attributes and family traditions were created more easily.
Now, lets look at today. There is a decline in parents being home due to work outside of home. Instead of working at home as a family we have changed into a culture where we leave the home for 8-12 plus hours to go to work. There can be one parent at home to take care of the house and kids. The children now seem to have no responsibilities and parents neglect there duty to promoting there kids to work. What happens to a family then? Well many things, however the one that I want to point out is, the lack of work! Work is essential to this life and if kids arnt having the opportunity to work, im not talking about slave work at home, but im talking about day to day small things that that bring a person to the appreciation that working for something is the best way of recieving something instead of being handed everything for nothing. Work is so important for family's. It creates trust, joy, experience, and good memerioes as we work together as a family. May we as family's choose to work side by side so that we all can contribute in improving our family's.
Now when did work begin? As a members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we believe that work began from the very beginning, starting with Adam and Eve. God gave them commandment to take care and look after the Garden. God also stated, as they were cat out, that by the sweat of there brow he shall eat his bread and to till the earth. We believe that work began from the start. I want us to imagine for a moment what work for the family of Adam and Eve looked like. Adam surely wasn't waking up at 6:00am to grab his cup of coffee and to eat his breakfast fast enough to beat the morning traffic to head to his 8-5 office job in the city, while his wife took care of the children and prepared them for school that day. No work wasn't like this at all. In fact i'd even argue that work like this didn't even begin to look like this until a couple thousands of years later during the industrial revolution. So what did work look like back then, and how has the industrial revolution changed our view of work within the family system? Well, one can imagine that for Adam and Eve, and many generations following, they were farmers. Dad didn't go off to work for the family while mom stayed home with the children. Rather, Dad and Mom, and children all worked together as a family. The probably learned how to plant and harvest fruits and vegetables. They also had live stock and animals to help with there work and to even butcher and eat as well. Hunting trips were very common haha They didn't go to the local food market to buy milk, they provided that for themselves, TOGETHER as a family. As a family they did everything. Children helped with what they could. Ultimately, for thousands of years the people of this world, worked together in family units cooperatively. What did this do for family's? Perhaps it brought family's closer. Maybe it allowed for stronger parental supervision and correct teaching at home. Wholesome recreational acclivities, teachings of value, love, trust, patience, and other attributes and family traditions were created more easily.
Now, lets look at today. There is a decline in parents being home due to work outside of home. Instead of working at home as a family we have changed into a culture where we leave the home for 8-12 plus hours to go to work. There can be one parent at home to take care of the house and kids. The children now seem to have no responsibilities and parents neglect there duty to promoting there kids to work. What happens to a family then? Well many things, however the one that I want to point out is, the lack of work! Work is essential to this life and if kids arnt having the opportunity to work, im not talking about slave work at home, but im talking about day to day small things that that bring a person to the appreciation that working for something is the best way of recieving something instead of being handed everything for nothing. Work is so important for family's. It creates trust, joy, experience, and good memerioes as we work together as a family. May we as family's choose to work side by side so that we all can contribute in improving our family's.
Saturday, March 17, 2018
Communication is key
Alright everyone we are discussing communication in marriage. Communication is a huge topic! Today however i don't want to discuss all there is to know about healthy communication in marriage. I am rather going to discuss the goods and the bads behind good communication.
Now we have verbal and non verbal communication that i'd like to focus on. I know for me an my family, that when Dad gave us that look we knew that he was frustrated. That was a way of communication. Yelling, laughing, speaking, and even the tone in which we speak can all be misinterpreted by the listener. So how do make sure that what we are hearing or saying is being heard or communicated properly? I think it takes a good listener. It can be hard to communicate on some topics however the principle of listening anf repeating back to that person what you think they said can be very valuable. For example If my wife just explained to me that every time I say that joke it makes her unconformable, I can say, " So correct me if im wrong but is this what our saying?" This helps the communicator know that you were trying to really listen and understand. Now, i could've been upset that she was upset at me and the conversation could've been very different, but a good listener listens with patience and love. It can be hard to convey to anyone your thoughts and feelings, but as we do our best to do so, our marriages can flourish.
Now we have verbal and non verbal communication that i'd like to focus on. I know for me an my family, that when Dad gave us that look we knew that he was frustrated. That was a way of communication. Yelling, laughing, speaking, and even the tone in which we speak can all be misinterpreted by the listener. So how do make sure that what we are hearing or saying is being heard or communicated properly? I think it takes a good listener. It can be hard to communicate on some topics however the principle of listening anf repeating back to that person what you think they said can be very valuable. For example If my wife just explained to me that every time I say that joke it makes her unconformable, I can say, " So correct me if im wrong but is this what our saying?" This helps the communicator know that you were trying to really listen and understand. Now, i could've been upset that she was upset at me and the conversation could've been very different, but a good listener listens with patience and love. It can be hard to convey to anyone your thoughts and feelings, but as we do our best to do so, our marriages can flourish.
Saturday, March 10, 2018
Family Crisis
Hello Everyone! We are continuing to discuss the family system and how crisis effects families. We will be discussing what a crisis is, and the potential good and bad that can come from family crisis's. Now, What is a Crisis? We have heard this word be used to describe dramatic events. That is exactly what a crisis is. A family crisis is a permanent change in the family system. It is also defined as Danger and opportunity. Family crisis's may include, health complications, financial difficulty, an outside threat, or divorce. It is key to remember that a crisis is not just a stressful time but a permanent change to the family system. We also know that when a crisis occurs, some other problems can occur at the same time. As we properly react to family crisis's we can hope that we can learn and grow together as a family. I was once told that we can make problems a stepping stone or a stumbling block in our lives, however that is up to us to decide.
Now how can we make a family crisis a stumbling block in our lives? Lets take the example of a financial crisis within a family. For there whole marriage, and with raising 6 children, dad worked and provided for the family. These past 5 years the husband and father became so ill that he no longer can work, and is on unemployment. At this point most of the kids are all grown up except for 3 who still remain at home. The wife has always been at home and never really had to work to provide an income. This family has two choices from what i see. They can make is a stepping stone or a stumbling block. They decide to make it a stumbling block. Instead of supporting there parents, the 3 children decide to move in with extended family in hopes that there parents might receive some financial relief because they now have less mouths to feed at home. Instead of causing relief to there family they begin to notice that visits to home and phone calls home became less and less. As the 3 kids finished high school else where they realized that the distance from there parents actually caused a rivet within the family. The wife becomes exhausted with working two jobs, and taking care of her husband at home, she decides to look to other people for moral support. She starts down the dangerous road of talking to others about her personal life and becomes very close to a particular co-worker. She feels appreciated by him. She feels like she deserves more than what her husband is giving her. So instead of turning to her husband she leaves him for someone else. In this example this family decided to respond to this family crisis in a terrible fashion. They chose to make this crisis a stumbling block in there lives.
Now using this same example what can this family do to make this crisis a stepping stone in drawing together as a family? The 3 children still at home decided to pick up some part time work. As a family they discuss a family plan on how they all can work together in paying for the food and other bills. As the 3 kids work, they dont realize that years down the road they noticed that during the hardest time in there families history, they actually drew closer together because they worked together. Although it was hard for the mom and the kids to be working, they knew they needed to. They never blamed there father for getting sick and losing his job, but thanked him for his good example which intern, inspired the children to work even harder. The wife, decided to work, and look after her husband. Her role changed, but she knew that her calling in life was to assist and help her husband with anything he needed. She felt accomplished because she has realized that through this difficult time she was able to fulfill her calling by expressing her love to her husband in ways she never imagined. This family made and continues to draw closer because of this crisis. Because they reacted positively during a difficult time there family dynamic has changed forever. They all developed habits, and a greater measure of love for each individual family member.
Crisis means a permanent change in the family system. It is danger and opportunity. Family crisis can be exactly what a family needs to draw closer together. Whatever the example is, we all will have a family crisis. We all will be faced with how we are to respond to these difficult times. When we face these difficult times may we say to ourselves, I can either make this a stepping stone or a stumbling block, however, it is up to me.
Now how can we make a family crisis a stumbling block in our lives? Lets take the example of a financial crisis within a family. For there whole marriage, and with raising 6 children, dad worked and provided for the family. These past 5 years the husband and father became so ill that he no longer can work, and is on unemployment. At this point most of the kids are all grown up except for 3 who still remain at home. The wife has always been at home and never really had to work to provide an income. This family has two choices from what i see. They can make is a stepping stone or a stumbling block. They decide to make it a stumbling block. Instead of supporting there parents, the 3 children decide to move in with extended family in hopes that there parents might receive some financial relief because they now have less mouths to feed at home. Instead of causing relief to there family they begin to notice that visits to home and phone calls home became less and less. As the 3 kids finished high school else where they realized that the distance from there parents actually caused a rivet within the family. The wife becomes exhausted with working two jobs, and taking care of her husband at home, she decides to look to other people for moral support. She starts down the dangerous road of talking to others about her personal life and becomes very close to a particular co-worker. She feels appreciated by him. She feels like she deserves more than what her husband is giving her. So instead of turning to her husband she leaves him for someone else. In this example this family decided to respond to this family crisis in a terrible fashion. They chose to make this crisis a stumbling block in there lives.
Now using this same example what can this family do to make this crisis a stepping stone in drawing together as a family? The 3 children still at home decided to pick up some part time work. As a family they discuss a family plan on how they all can work together in paying for the food and other bills. As the 3 kids work, they dont realize that years down the road they noticed that during the hardest time in there families history, they actually drew closer together because they worked together. Although it was hard for the mom and the kids to be working, they knew they needed to. They never blamed there father for getting sick and losing his job, but thanked him for his good example which intern, inspired the children to work even harder. The wife, decided to work, and look after her husband. Her role changed, but she knew that her calling in life was to assist and help her husband with anything he needed. She felt accomplished because she has realized that through this difficult time she was able to fulfill her calling by expressing her love to her husband in ways she never imagined. This family made and continues to draw closer because of this crisis. Because they reacted positively during a difficult time there family dynamic has changed forever. They all developed habits, and a greater measure of love for each individual family member.
Crisis means a permanent change in the family system. It is danger and opportunity. Family crisis can be exactly what a family needs to draw closer together. Whatever the example is, we all will have a family crisis. We all will be faced with how we are to respond to these difficult times. When we face these difficult times may we say to ourselves, I can either make this a stepping stone or a stumbling block, however, it is up to me.
Saturday, March 3, 2018
Building a Marital Pick-it fence
No one goes into a marriage thinking that they or there partner will be unfaithful.In our martial vows we say that we commit to taking each other and to honor those vows for the rest of our lives. We literally promise that we will love each other and no other for all the days of our life. So why does adultery seem like common place in society? One main reason is that couples do not build a marital pick-it fence around there marriage, or in simple terms, boundaries.
We all have seen that home with the cinder block fence with bard wire on top, with a hell hound tied to a rusty chain that is ready to snap, defending the property with vigor and strength. The only way to the front door is through a large metal gate, and around the snarling guard dog. I don't know about you but that home does not seem inviting to me. In contrast we all have seen that, perfect comfortable middle class house with a sturdy hip high white pick-it fence. No dog, no chain, no gloom. This house seems more inviting however there is a clear boundary. There is only one way to the front door like the high protected house. For whatever reason the white picket fence gives a sense of order and protection to that house. What does this have to do with a marriage? Its simple, we must establish appropriate boundaries around our new family and marriage.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World, says “God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” From this quote we know that faithfulness to our marriage, to ourselves, and to our spouse is clear. That sacred power is only to be employed between husband and wife lawfully wedded. This is faithfulness. A marriage where this is happening is a marriage with appropriate boundaries. However committing adultery isn't the only form of infidelity.
Infidelity is defined as the opposite of faithfulness. From my readings this week I have learned that there are typically four types of infidelity, fantasy, visual, emotional, and sexual. Infidelity also doesn't always take two people to be committed. One person can fantasize over an image in there mind and heart, this is a form of infidelity. Some forms of emotional infidelity include flirting online with another person or fantasizing in your mind a romantic relationship with someone else. To many, this may seem innocent because it may seem that no real action is taking place, that you arent physically committing adultery, however it is imperative to remember that our thoughts become things. It is so important to gain control of your thinking. Someone who actively committs infidelity in this way must look at where there desire lay.
Visually committing infidelity refers to pornography. This typically leads the viewer to act out physically and is probably the most common form of infidelity.
Romantic affairs can also be called, living a second life. This refers to being emotionally connected to another individual other than your spouse.
With all forms of infidelity the consequences are always the same. It leads to a lack of spirituality and emotional issues, and depression for both the person acting out and there spouse. It may be hard for people to connect on a personal level in almost any relationship, and leads to a self indulgence attitude.
We must establish a marital pick-it fence. A pick it fence establishes where people can and cannot go on the property. It is a clear boundary that wont repel everyone like the cinder block dog guarded home will do but clearly states the boundaries to the property. Just like the pick-it fence we can defend against infidelity by building boundaries around our marriage, and be completely loyal to our spouse. We must draw a line in our marriage. We cannot afford to drive to close to the edge but rather stay away from anything or anyone that would lead us to being unfaithful. If its deciding to stop working out with my gym partner who is of the opposite sex, and is not my wife, or if its to never drive in a car with just you and another person of the opposite sex, or simply refraining from allowing someone to speak to you about there marital issues, can be good ways to building your marital pick-it fence. some other walls we can build around our marriage may include, Discuss marital issues with your spouse and not with someone with an attractive alternative. Don't take lunch or work breaks with the same person all the time.Don't ever try to be cute or flirty with anyone other than your spouse.
We must remain loyal and true to our spouse. From this weeks reading it said,"Many situations in work, in society, and in church assignments will involve men and women working closely together. All of these situations can be opportunities for emotional involvement to develop (Treas & Giesen, 2000). The task for every married couple is to maintain complete fidelity and loyalty to their spouse and none other."
People we must be loyal, honest, true, patient, kind, and loving toward there spouse. We must be on guard and build boundaries in our marriage if we want a long satisfying relationship. No two righteous individuals who love each other enter into marriage thinking that infidelity will occur. We cannot ever assume that it won't happen to us. We must protect our marriage, by daily, recommitting our whole heart and soul to our spouse, setting boundaries and fiercely remain loyal to them.
We all have seen that home with the cinder block fence with bard wire on top, with a hell hound tied to a rusty chain that is ready to snap, defending the property with vigor and strength. The only way to the front door is through a large metal gate, and around the snarling guard dog. I don't know about you but that home does not seem inviting to me. In contrast we all have seen that, perfect comfortable middle class house with a sturdy hip high white pick-it fence. No dog, no chain, no gloom. This house seems more inviting however there is a clear boundary. There is only one way to the front door like the high protected house. For whatever reason the white picket fence gives a sense of order and protection to that house. What does this have to do with a marriage? Its simple, we must establish appropriate boundaries around our new family and marriage.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World, says “God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” From this quote we know that faithfulness to our marriage, to ourselves, and to our spouse is clear. That sacred power is only to be employed between husband and wife lawfully wedded. This is faithfulness. A marriage where this is happening is a marriage with appropriate boundaries. However committing adultery isn't the only form of infidelity.
Infidelity is defined as the opposite of faithfulness. From my readings this week I have learned that there are typically four types of infidelity, fantasy, visual, emotional, and sexual. Infidelity also doesn't always take two people to be committed. One person can fantasize over an image in there mind and heart, this is a form of infidelity. Some forms of emotional infidelity include flirting online with another person or fantasizing in your mind a romantic relationship with someone else. To many, this may seem innocent because it may seem that no real action is taking place, that you arent physically committing adultery, however it is imperative to remember that our thoughts become things. It is so important to gain control of your thinking. Someone who actively committs infidelity in this way must look at where there desire lay.
Visually committing infidelity refers to pornography. This typically leads the viewer to act out physically and is probably the most common form of infidelity.
Romantic affairs can also be called, living a second life. This refers to being emotionally connected to another individual other than your spouse.
With all forms of infidelity the consequences are always the same. It leads to a lack of spirituality and emotional issues, and depression for both the person acting out and there spouse. It may be hard for people to connect on a personal level in almost any relationship, and leads to a self indulgence attitude.
We must establish a marital pick-it fence. A pick it fence establishes where people can and cannot go on the property. It is a clear boundary that wont repel everyone like the cinder block dog guarded home will do but clearly states the boundaries to the property. Just like the pick-it fence we can defend against infidelity by building boundaries around our marriage, and be completely loyal to our spouse. We must draw a line in our marriage. We cannot afford to drive to close to the edge but rather stay away from anything or anyone that would lead us to being unfaithful. If its deciding to stop working out with my gym partner who is of the opposite sex, and is not my wife, or if its to never drive in a car with just you and another person of the opposite sex, or simply refraining from allowing someone to speak to you about there marital issues, can be good ways to building your marital pick-it fence. some other walls we can build around our marriage may include, Discuss marital issues with your spouse and not with someone with an attractive alternative. Don't take lunch or work breaks with the same person all the time.Don't ever try to be cute or flirty with anyone other than your spouse.
We must remain loyal and true to our spouse. From this weeks reading it said,"Many situations in work, in society, and in church assignments will involve men and women working closely together. All of these situations can be opportunities for emotional involvement to develop (Treas & Giesen, 2000). The task for every married couple is to maintain complete fidelity and loyalty to their spouse and none other."
People we must be loyal, honest, true, patient, kind, and loving toward there spouse. We must be on guard and build boundaries in our marriage if we want a long satisfying relationship. No two righteous individuals who love each other enter into marriage thinking that infidelity will occur. We cannot ever assume that it won't happen to us. We must protect our marriage, by daily, recommitting our whole heart and soul to our spouse, setting boundaries and fiercely remain loyal to them.
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